The Lost Boy

He was there again, as I drove home from my evening cello lesson, sitting on his bike in his army coat staring out over the field where the gypsies camp when they come to town. The same brainless smile on his face as always. Frightening in his simplicity. He is young, but not so young anymore. In his thirties. He is going to seed.

I don’t know why he is the way he is, whether something happened to make him that way or whether he’s always been like that. He has a savant’s knowledge of local plant life and, I suppose, gardening, and oddly strong opinions about the appropriateness of plants occurring naturally in the local environment – which have always been there, which are recent imports running wild.

Mostly he rides his bike.

Here and there. He is a fixture. You see him everywhere you go, everywhere within bicycle range. It’s as if he’s a set of energetic, smiling, cycling, muscular quintuplets in matching army coats.

I don’t know how he lives or any other circumstances of his life. When the reporters come around and stick a microphone in my face and ask me, “what do you think about that?” I won’t say, “I’m shocked, he was always such a harmless, quiet man.” I will say, “I always thought that nutty, smiling bastard was up to something.”

Finally, a genuine contest

Raising Hell is having a Mother’s Day anecdote contest with a real cash prize, no lie, I kid you not. Best of all, you don’t have to be a mother to enter!

Epiphany at the intersection

On the way to work yesterday I was stopped at an intersection, a traffic circle really, waiting to merge, and I noticed a gigantic truck full of pigs on the way to the slaughterhouse. The driver looked bored. The pigs were gigantic and pink and looked happy even though they were really packed in there. One pig turned its head to its neighbor and they appeared to be having a conversation. In a children’s book they would probably be talking about little Jimmy who visited them at the farm last week. In fact, one was probably hitting on the other one, or saying, through its big porcine smile, “So where are you going for vacation this summer?” or “Hot enough for ya?” or even “seen that picture of the lady golfer kissing that trophy?” completely unaware of its fate. They’d probably even forgotten they were in a truck.

And I thought, boy am I glad I’m not a pig.

Reincarnation

Location: The Great Beyond
Bird Soul: Can I pick next time?
God: Can you pick next time?
Bird Soul: Look, I don’t know what I’ve done, karma-wise, but I’ve been a fruitfly, far as I can remember, and a doodle-bug and a worm and just now I was a bird, until Miguel’s cat gave me a going-over and left a few feathers on the welcome mat.
God: And part of a wing.
Bird Soul: Oh, all-knowing, I forgot.
God: And just what would you prefer?
Bird Soul: Something with a little more respect. Something… people fear, or love, or something.
God: People love birds.
Bird Soul: What about a tiger? A big Siberian Tiger?
God: They’re on the list for extinction.
Bird Soul: Bengal Tiger?
God: Ditto.
Bird Soul: Eh, cat? Common, everyday house-fucking-cat?
God: Bahahahahaha! Do you have any idea how long the waiting list is for housecat? [snort] We’re talking karma, there, man. Everyone wants to be a cat in their next life.
Bird Soul: Okay, okay. I’m just brainstorming, okay?
God: Hehehehe. Okay.
Bird Soul: Well, what do you suggest?
God: How about Substitute Teacher?
Bird Soul: Hm. Respected? Feared?
God: Sure, dood.
Bird Soul: Okay, I’ll give it a try.
God: Hehe.

[Elsewhere: One idyllic morning at Raising Hell]

Grinding tin

People have asked me lately about my progress with the cello. It’s going well, although I can’t claim to play it yet. Tonight, Gamma said to her mother, who was putting her to bed as I practiced downstairs, “I can fall asleep so easily when Papa is playing cello.” I’ve advanced from the “strangling warthogs” stage to, at worst, “grinding tin” and at best, something hungry standing outside music’s house looking in the window at the happy family seated around the dinner table. For the curious I’m practicing the following little pieces:

Giuseppe Torelli – Menuett
Johann Joseph Fux – Menuett
Pierre Phal

Raising Hell

I’d like to thank everyone who kindly linked our new parenting zine Raising Hell and helped make the launch such a success. After only a single day, the site is already #1 at google in a search for raising hell… plus all the blogdex and daypop etc stuff.