What I Like about Christmas

    by Ludwig Wittgenstein


Mig is busy with Christmas stuff right now, and therefore has invited me to briefly outline my feelings about the holiday season.

  1. This time of year is colder than I prefer; despite my plaid woolen shirts, long strolls on the beach surrounded by screeching, swooping seagulls are uncharacteristically unpleasant.
  2. Being a solitary individual I do my best to avoid the swarming crowds of shopping centers. Besides, I’m dead and they would all freak out over that.
  3. I would rather have my body waxed from head to toe before each meal than read another “Christmas Letter” from an acquaintance in which they detail at penetratingly stultifying length every last non-event of their past year, pretending to be their children writing it. If, at any point during the rest of my existence I read another sentence along the lines of, “And then mom and dad took us to the lake on summer vacation like they do every year,” I shall without a doubt shit hornets on the spot.

Happy holidays and have a wonderful 2002.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

Here, let us feel your wife’s breasts for you

Why is it that since the more or less collapse of the USSR and related totalitarian states, the United States has gradually grown more totalitarian? I don’t know who that guy is who wrote that, but for me it’s just another stone in the mosaic. From the use of language to treatment in the courts, the United States reminds me increasingly of the former Soviet bloc.

How to argue with a crackpot

  1. Don’t waste your time.

Some friends invited us over. Luckily for me I was driving so didn’t drink much, because they kept pouring the wine. Some neighbors were visiting them. I walked into the room, saw them and thought: religious crackpots. Jehovah’s Witnesses or Seventh Day Adventists. (No offense to my Witness & Adventist readers!).

But it was far worse.

Continue reading

In stitches

Scene I:
[Telephone rings]
Miguel: Hello?
Alpha: Beta maxed out the aptitude tests she took today at that counseling thing.
Miguel: Of course.
Alpha: The psychologist said she could…
Miguel: Do whatever she chooses.
Alpha: She could be a brain surgeon. Medical aptitude, among other things. Very well-rounded.
Miguel: Cool, she can remove the stitches from my shoulder. They’re scheduled to come out today.

Scene II:
[Miguel sits on edge of tub with shirt off. 13-year old girl stands beside him with tweezers and small scissors]
Beta: Sure I’m not hurting you?
Miguel: No, no. Can’t feel a thing.

Be kind

Go read this, and scroll up.
[Thanks Jessica]