26Aug / 2003

How to fix a flat tire

  1. Marry a smart person whose father is a mechanic and crazy about her.

  2. Have flat tire while she is driving
  3. near her parents’ house
  4. preferably while alone in the car.
  5. Being smart, she notices immediately and parks car on a hard surface away from traffic.
  6. Her father arrives before you do, even though you were only about 100 meters away waiting for her to pick you up, thinking, “where the hell is she?”
  7. Look through car for jack etc. It’s under the back seat.
  8. Look through car for spare tire. It’s under the car, in the rear.
  9. Look through car for car manual. Look through manual for instructions on getting spare tire from under car.
  10. Loosen lug nuts. Better yet, let father-in-law loosen lug nuts.
  11. Put jack in right place, let father-in-law jack up car because you know how these old guys are, have to do everything themselves.
  12. This is a piece of cake!
  13. Drive to service station to top off air pressure in spare tire, which happens to be the same kind of tire as the rest so you can just leave it on.
  14. Mechanic says the flat tire has a bad valve, which he can fix. Visions of visits to the proctologist go through your head, but he only charges you

Posted in Metamorphosism

Permalink 6 Comments

6 responses to “How to fix a flat tire”

  1. D

    You need a burnt neck and a shotgun. And the car should be traded in for a pick-up. Then you’re all set.

  2. bhikku

    Re the swimming gear: I found out that if on the campsite where the pool had a jacuzzi section I sat in between jets they would both direct into the pockets of my swimming shorts and inflate them until I looked like I had elephantiasis of the scrotum.
    These small but interesting things help to make our lives worth living.

  3. mig

    It’s the small things.

  4. ratty

    aaaah. that was fun :)

  5. Bauke

    Hold on. I have no kids. How do I fix my flat tire?

  6. great

    that was not informative

    [editor's note: 1. park where it's flat 2. make sure the emergency brake is set 3. careful with the jack 4. take off lug nuts, remove wheel, put spare tire on, replace lug nuts, being careful to fasten them securely 5. drive to service station to have them check everything and repair real tire or 6. call auto club]