Vampires . Energy vampires . Energy sucking, dirty, rotten psychic vampires of the worst kind:

The humor vampire.

Some of you have complained that Feral Living hasn’t been funny in the last couple weeks. You asked whether I was feeling alright. This is what happened: I had a run-in with a humor vampire. I was unable to make a funny joke for over two weeks.

You have, I’m sure, heard about energy suckers. These psychic vampires, whether the occult kind who actually drain your life force or the… everyday kind who actually drain your life force by complaining, making you angry, and boring you are well-known. But the humor vampire took me entirely by surprise.

HumorVampire: Hi.
Victim: Hey. Happy New Year. How’re you doing?
HumorVampire: Oh, okay.
Victim: So, what’s new?
HumorVampire: Oh, nothing much.
Victim: [Wits already starting to wane] Um, uh…
HumorVampire: What are you doing?
Victim: I’m, uh, trying to chat and work at the same time.
HumorVampire: Oh, that’s nice.
Victim:…
HumorVampire: Weather’s been gray here.
Victim: That’s nice. Cold here.

And so on. This is your warning. Be on your guard against the humor vampire.