A good thing to do, try this, a good thing to do is lay on the floor. Lie there and listen to whatever. The traffic, the hum of electrical devices charging on your nightstand, your heartbeat.

It’s okay if it’s a wooden floor, you get used to it fast and it doesn’t hurt. Extra points if you have a walk-in closet. When designing your home or shopping for your rental, did you think of that? How nice a walk-in closet is? It is, because when everyone else is downstairs or in another room, you can get in there on the floor and scoot over underneath the rack where your suits hang and lie there. Looking up into the tubes of the suit sleeves and pantlegs, it’s like a delicious rest in a peaceful wool/polyester blend forest. Instead of moss it smells a little bit like you, and you’ll be happy to learn this turns out to be a nice thing. You always thought you had some nasty BO, because if you stick your head into your armpit after a bad day, of course it smells gamey. But just a little, like this, is pleasant. This is what people smell when they smell you; except for the relatively few who stick their heads into your armpits.

It is dark and it smells nice and it’s warm here under the suits. No wonder the cats are always back here. You can close your eyes and doze a little while everyone looks for you. Where is he? He has to put gas into the car. You would make a nice smelling, pleasant forest. What a relaxing discovery. You would like a forest like that. You could spend a lot of time there.

So we forgot why we swore two years ago no more Halloween parties and some idiot, me, didn’t pay attention and 45 kids got invited but luckily a couple didn’t come but I still spent a few days hanging black plastic tarps and fakey spiderwebs in the cellar and more webs in the kitchen and one little girl came early and told us “Gamma is the best reader in class!” and so we fell in love with her and let her put on one of Gamma’s Disney princess outfits, the pink one, what, Cinderella I suppose, but for trick-or-treating I think she changed into dark streetclothes, because here in Austria Halloween is relatively new, dating roughly to 1995 at most, and still entirely witch/vampire at this point; the costume party season here is the Carneval season in, what, February I guess, mardi gras and all that. So we had a lot of 6 year old and 14-15 year old vampires etc. And they had fun. And a few kids came trick-or-treating, fewer than last year, very polite, and a conservative Catholic bishop condemned the holiday celebrations as heathen so a good time was had by all except I got really tired because 8 hours is just too much for a Halloween party – we started early so the big kids could take care of the little kids, and then still have time for their own stuff later on; of course it just mushed into one long chaotic mess, but like I said, turned out well. Nothing broken, only one little boy pooped his pants because all bathrooms were occupied, a little glitter on one cat, that was it.

The next day was the big holiday here in Austria. All Souls. Radio traffic advisories warned people to take public transportation to the big cemeteries, because the parking lots were full. It began to rain.

Happy birthday, Shauna.

How conservatives use language to dominate politics.

On an unrelated note, happy Protection from Pornography week. Or, as the President says, “IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand.”

“The recent enactment of the PROTECT Act of 2003 strengthens child pornography laws, establishes the Federal Government’s role in the AMBER Alert System, increases punishment for Federal crimes against children, and authorizes judges to require extended supervision of sex offenders who are released from prison.”

Of course, if you’re a prominent Republican fund raiser like Richard Anthony Delgaudio, you can film yourself having sex with underaged women and not go to jail at all, because getting caught is “humiliating enough.”

Sigh. The news article linked in that post is no longer online. It is in their archives here, that’s nice to know, but I’m too cheap to pay the $2.95 for an article. The Democratic Underground mentions him, though, in a story on scumbags. Mentioned other places, as well, such as here, here , shows up a few times here, article here, or you can just do your own search.

You know that hysterical screech where you wonder, is a cat getting its ass kicked out on the porch, or are women of two generations having a big fight?

Sometimes you think, it’s hard to be a man, and sometimes you think it’s a good deal.

And sometimes you’re glad Hallowe’en comes just once a year. The kids decided to have a party and 45 people got invited, somehow. Luckily some can’t make it. But the cellar is scary now, and the fakey spiderwebs are stretched in the kitchen, and four jack-o’lanterns have been artfully carved. The big one, I thought, this pumpkin would look good with a Buddy Hackett expression, and I managed to give it one. At least, it reminds me vaguely of Mr. Hackett. I doubt that many trick-or-treaters are going to make that conceptual leap. “Trick or treat! Hey, Mr. Living, great Buddy Hackett jack-o’lantern! I enjoyed him in ‘God’s Little Acre’.”

So according to today’s newspaper, Austrians spend €150 million on diets, annually. Which is dumb, seeing as how since the point of a diet is to lose weight by reducing calories, it should save you money. Like me at breakfast this morning – all I had was some nut-chocolate protein concentrate with milk.

Likewise, 4’20” into the studio recording of “Whole lotta love” is, today at least, the crowning moment of if not Western music, rock and roll.