Disney blocks distribution of new Michael Moore film.

In a front-page article by Michel Marriott, today’s International Herald Tribune reports that Adidas plans to market high-tech running shoes that adapt to running conditions mid-stride.

“…The shoes will have push-button controls, light-emitting diodes to display settings and an instruction manual on a CD-ROM that will advise wearers on, among other things, the battery change needed after every 100 hours of use…”

This means that people will finally know which runners have teenagers at home, since the shoes of those without teenagers will be blinking “12:00″.

They say advice is a waste of time, because those who need it are too dumb to take it, and smart people don’t need it in the first place. On the other hand, I am turning 45 in a few days (to say exactly on what date would be self-indulgent so I won’t, but it’s next Monday) and so I figure since that’s fairly old, I have now the responsibility to share with you the few nuggets of wisdom I’ve distilled from those years of experience, not to mention all the self-help books I’ve read.

So with the caveat that I haven’t tried all this stuff myself, and am just making some of it up, here’s my advice (the first installment):

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Life has been cutting into my other activities of late. Visits, parties, trips. Concerts, doctor and dentist visits. Hanging out while my father-in-law takes the Dobl

Look, I would post something, only I have the day off and a little boy is visiting my little girl. They were out trying to tip over the swingset, but now they’re in her room. The door is open, and they’re making a lot of noise with her recorder and drum… wait, now they’re downstairs harassing her grandmother. This is not the little boy my wife caught naked with her a while back, it’s the one she caught (fully-clothed) under her bed with her a couple days ago. He is one of the naughtier boys in her class, but he’s scared of me (his mother, who is quite hot, dropped him off and stopped to chat with me for several minutes, which he spent two paces from me, leaning against the house, quaking and trying to render himself invisible) and Gamma appears to have him entirely under control. So I don’t suppose I’ll need to give him a tour of my collection of knives and swords for a while yet.