The metamorphosis, by franz kafka.
[Thanks to Joeri]

Alien 1: What do you mean, which one? That one there, standing on the shoulder next to the car with the hazard lights going.
Alien 2: So?
Alien 1: He’s saying something. What’s he saying?

Alien 2: What?
Alien 1: Turn on the speakers! Listen! He’s saying, “Come take me with you! Take me away! Rectal probes, breeding experiments, I don’t care.”
Alien 2: Preparing tractor beam.
Alien 1: Wait! Hang on, what’s that in his hand? Looks like a…
Alien 2: Aiiieee! He’s playing a tin whistle!
Alien 1: Fucking fuckity-fuck, let’s get out of here!

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Now you know what to do at a diplomatic reception if you are an invited guest. But what if you’re working there as the video twat?

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Here is one book I shall be getting when it comes out.

Maybe I should write one of these myself.

Two days after the referendum, however, evidence is growing that the software of the touch-screen voting machines had been tampered with.

That George Bush found success as a businessman only after the investment of Osama’s brother Salem and reputed al Qaeda financier Khalid bin Mahfouz is just one of those things – one of those crazy things.

The Coincidence Theorist’s Guide to 9/11.
[Via Left Blank]