Radio play

Scene I

[Sound effects: squish, squish, squish, squish]
Slug officer: Company, halt!
Slug officer: Scout! Anything good up there?
Slug scout: Sir! It’s just an old picnic table, sir!
Slug scout: Sir! I can scale it if you wish, sir!
Slug officer: That won’t be necessary, scout. We have reports of hydrangeas in the vicinity.
Slug officer: Company, march!
[Sound effects: squish, squish, squish, squish (fade out)]
Big pot of lettuce on picnic table: Whew.

Scene II

Woman: What’s that on your shirt? Is that a leaf?
Man: Where?
Woman: Turn around. On your back.
Woman: Ew! It’s a slug!

Slug: I’m the KING! OF THE. WORLD!

Man: Eh, get it off, please?
Woman: I’m not touching a slug.

Slug: I claim this territory in the name of my QUEEN!

Man: Here, knock it off with… with this watering can or something.
[Sound effect: watering can knocking slug off man's t-shirt]
Man: Thanks.
Man: I knew I was moving kinda slow lately, but this is ridiculous.
Woman: I don’t see a slime trail, though.
Girl: Maybe it jumped onto you out of a tree.

Scene III
Hedgehog: Ew, this cat food they put out for me is yucky.
Hedgehog: Pass.
[Sound effects: squish, squish, squish, squish]
Hedgehog: Yum, slugs!
Hedgehog: Ew, they taste like that cat food now.
Hedgehog: Pass.

7 responses to “Radio play

  1. The person who discovered NOMNOMNOM was exactly onomatopoetic is as much my hero as the person who popularized emoticons is on my deathwatch list.

  2. Joeri

    I have a title: Day of the Slugs!

  3. beta

    hahaha, i can just imagine being there… maybe living in vienna isn’t so bad after all! (and sorry, did i just didn’t get the joke or does day of the slugs really sound that lame?)

  4. mig

    Slug: Braaaaains1!!1!

  5. mig

    it’s a George C. Scott joke.
    “unwittingly, he trained a slug to k1ll the Pr3sident of the Un1ted St4tes”

  6. zeynep

    Everything that you really did NOT want to know about slugs..

  7. mig

    yow. apophallation.
    any idea if peptide hormone APGWamide is sold over the counter?