List of ten random events in reverse chronological order

  • I give my Doc Martens a good shake before putting them on.

  • Red cat with face covered with grey dustbunnies smells my Doc Martens with excessive interest as they stand by the door. The boots, I mean. I don’t have them on yet.
  • “I think it went outside. I think it worked,” my wife says when I come out of the shower.
  • I step over a folding lawnchair unfolded and on its side in our entry way,and walk past the wide-open front door to go take a shower.
  • I feel bad, the cat looks so cute sleeping, but still pick him up and place him in the kitchen. “It’s your job, pal. Go for it.” He gazes under the cabinets with more interest than I expected.
  • I give my wife a thousand-yard stare.
  • I look at the complex arrangement of furniture, moulding and open doors that form a sort of fence leading from the kitchen to the open front door. “There are too many little holes,” I tell my wife. “You have to be able to think like a mouse. Mice are by nature agoraphobic, for them it’s normal. If I’m a mouse, why would I emerge from under the cabinets, where it is nice and cozy, out into the looming agora of the kitchen?” “And what, you can think like a mouse?” my wife says.
  • I remove the mouldings from under the kitchen cabinets while my wife carries lawn furniture up from the cellar. “We’re building a better etc etc,” I say.
  • “I have a great idea,” my wife says, and explains it to me.
  • My wife joins me in the kitchen for breakfast. We eat toast, and listen to the news on the radio, and to a distinct gnawing sound coming from a kitchen cabinet.

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