Hot Bug

bug14-1.gif bug14-2.gif bug14-3.gif bug14-4.gif
(Originally posted January 2004)

How to make Kirschkuchen

M.I.G. Boston operative Brian shows you how to make Kirschkuchen, just in time for those ripe cherries.

Autopsy

With a large scalpel, the diener makes a Y-shaped incision in the trunk, the arms of the “Y” extending from the front of the shoulders to the xiphoid process of the sternum. From there the incision continues to the pubic bone.

Continue reading

Positive affirmations

  • Tomorrow my cello recital will be over and I shall still be alive

  • If this flopping goldfish feeling in my chest is not a heart irregularity that kills me
  • I know the music, the recital will go fine.
  • Playing before other people can be a source of pleasure.
  • Even if I make a mistake or two, no one will notice as long as I manage not to grimace and shake my head.
  • Probably my hands won’t sweat, and even if they do, that just makes it that much easier to slide my fingers up and down the strings.
  • I will remember to breathe.
  • I will remember to acknowledge the audience after performing this time, and not flee the stage blindly.
  • My new cello will sound so fucking hot, especially following a bunch of cute little kids sawing half-sized Chinese instruments in two.
  • I will remember to breathe. I will relax. I will not tremble noticeably. And even if I do, I can sell that as vibrato.

Apery

Butterneck. Jesus.
She just laughed and finished cleaning her revolver and put it back into the box.
You’ve been talking to my mom, I said.
She locked the box and threw away the key, which was good because just that morning I’d gotten out of bed and made my coffee in the dark, heavy with the knowledge that if I had a gun, I’d stand in front of my easel and finally get something interesting on the canvas.

Continue reading

Posted in Pain Suit

Permalink

War stories

So the cello duet is beginning to sound a bit like music. The prospect of performing at the recital no longer feels 100% like a looming execution. Now it feels like standing on a diving board blindfolded, not knowing if the pool is empty, full of water, or full of water snakes. I’m saying, it could go either way. We rehearsed the piece several times, five or ten times, and it sounded different each time. A couple of times it sounded fine. One nice thing is, when I really crank my cello, it sounds great. It’s not a bad instrument I have. My old rental cellos were like asking a girl to dance and she stands up and has a cast on her foot. This one is like being at a party and everyone is funnier and more charming and you’re wondering why they invited you, and will you ever be that funny.

Continue reading

Social skills

bug13-1.gif bug13-2.gif bug13-3.gif bug13-4.gif
(Originally posted Jan. 2004)