Announcing the First Annual metamorphosism.com Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest, which is the third contest of its kind since we also had the Feral Living Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest two years ago and last year, which I see the Internet gods have been kind enough to leave online, so far.
Rules:
- You may enter as often as you wish
- Leave your entries in the comments to this post
- Deadline is Valentine’s Day, 14 February 2004
- Winner gets a Bug button if they want one, as well as admission to the pantheon of past Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest Winners
More rules:
- We did philosophers last year… let’s see… entries this year must include a reference to a well-known psychiatrist/psychologist, or a parasite (Latin or vernacular names okay).
- Extra credit for Tolkein reference.
Candy hearts courtesy of Acme Heart Maker.
What, no extra rules?
I’m still making them up.
The annual Super Bowl gripple
was disturbed by a chick with a nipple
All the blood and the gore
that they showed us before
didn’t cause so much as a ripple.
To secure velly cheap oil production
Georgie Bush used weapons of mass destruction.
The marines in Iraq
are still under attack,
We’re all paying for the reconstruction.
There once was a President named Bush
Who decided to sit on his tush
Whilst all around, chaos
Due to W.M.D. (various)
Did blow most of the planet to mush.
There once was a P.M. named Blair
With almost consumate flair
Pissed off all of his Cabinet
They really weren’t having it
That his W.M.D. were simply not there.
Freud was wrong you see
A dream can just be
also Jung
was full of dung
There is nothing between Mom an me
A Diphyllobothrium latum
(A pseudophillidean tapeworm)
can grow to 10 meters
among raw fish eaters.
It can make a sturdy man squirm.
A stripper with the stage name of Alice
Caught giardia intestinalis
Protozoic infestion
Sped up her digestion
But callous Alice still lapdanced with malice
Bush and Blair are both parasites.. can I leave my first two entries in? ;)
a terrible tyrant named saddam
people said could make a-bombs go ka-blam.
he hid like a mole,
then they tracked down his hole;
now all seems a big blown up scam.
DON’T BUG ME, I’M VOTING
(ACME heart maker) I’m feeling powerful and important today, so look out. We Tennesseans (along with our fellow citizens
The ego’s not separated from the id;
its lower portion merges into it.
The repressed merges into the id as well,
(I can hear Freud now tell)
and is merely a part of it.
http://www.ofrenda.org/rawr/calacas/0402101053_.php
Get out those Acme candy hearts
A nasty young hobbit named Smeagal
With a beagle did something illegal
Freud said, “Well your id,
may like what you did,
but it did appall your superego.”
A talented writer named Mig
Went off on some Kafkaesque gig
He changed into a bug
(which Freud would have loved)
Now he can’t tell his arse from his id.
A genius psychologist named Pavlov
Understood pussy was his one true love
Spending all day with dogs and bells
Only thoughts of his love caused heart swells
So he traded the mutt in for muff.
One day an unfortunate Bilbo Baggins
found that his scrotum was sagging
When he showed Sam his nuts
Sam said “The problem is this
you’ve got scrotal necrotizing fasciitis”
My pregnant friend isn’t so wild,
She says how it feels to have child,
The lump is showing,
It’s developing, growing.
I thought of my tapeworm and smiled.
I read that Edward Thorndike when adolescent
bought his girlfriend a tongue piercing present
He found it artistic
and he went ballistic
in response to the stimuli pleasant.
There once was a young girl called Flora
Who was known as a bit of a go-er
she was skilled with her tongue
and she thought it’d begun
with an Amoebaec Sarcomastigophora
One Richard von Krafft-Ebbing
Whilst reading Lord of the Rings
Became weak at the knees
Upon discovering fleas
and the reason for his itching
I was a bit of a lad in my youth
A little bit rough and uncouth
Its amazing how age
Prozac’s your rage
when, like me you’re a bit long in the tooth
There once was a thinker called Rorschach
Whose intestines were constantly blocked
And when that lucky fella
Did contract Salmonella
His skid marks looked just like Iraq.
A trendy French shrink named Lacan
Thought love added up to rien
But construct or not,
You’re incredibly hot,
My perfect, post-modernist Man.
A trendy French shrink named Lacan
Thought love added up to rien
But construct or not,
You’re incredibly hot,
My perfect, post-modernist Man.
An earnest young doctor named Beach
fell madly in love with a leech
that little blood-sucker
was such a hot fucker
that heaven seemed quite within reach.
An orc with a raging psychosis
Said “Doctor, what’s your diagnosis?”
The doctor said “Orc,
you eat too much pork.
I think you just have trichinosis.”
Youth thought meaning was what you inferred
From your reading or what you just heard
But Lecan said such wisdom
Comes from outside the system
So True Meaning is ever-deferred
I typed “Youth,” meant “You.”
Ruth Westheimer, sans 5 foot tall
inspires us, both large and small
to keep getting physical
inspite of the visual
of spry German hobbits who ball.