Tip #1: When stuck in the mother of all traffic jams with a teenaged girl, parked there on the freeway with nothing to read, why not while away the time by playing Twenty or More Questions?

Q1: Are you a vegetable?
A: No.
Q2: Are you alive?
A: Mmmm, yeah.
Q3: What do you mean “Mmmm, yeah?” Are you a living organism?
A: Sort of. Look, those people in the next car are reading the paper.
Q4: Which paper?
A: Sorry, just yes/no questions are allowed.
[15 minutes later]
Q35: So you live on a person. Do you live on a person?
A: Yes.
Q36: Do you have legs? Wait, you said you didn’t have legs. How do you move around?
A: Yes/no, please.
Q37: Do you move around?
A: Sort of.
Q38: Sort of? What’s that mean? Are you a parasite of some sort?
A: No.
[Traffic moves ahead a few feet. Everyone jumps in their cars, starts engines, etc. Then firetruck and ambulance wend their way through the traffic. Resume game.]
Q67: You sure you’re alive? How can you be alive if you don’t reproduce?
A: I’m alive.
Q117: How about a knuckle sandwich? Would you like a knuckle sandwich?
A: No.
Q321: A hair? You’re a hair? You said you were alive! A hair’s not alive.
A: The follicle is alive. It’s a living cell.
Q322: Okay, my turn.
A: No, you have to guess where I am.
Q323: Gah. A butt hair! You’re a butt hair.
A: No.
Q324: [sigh] Face? Are you a face hair?
A: Yes. Where on the face.
Q325: Moustache.
A: No.
Q326: Beard.
A: No.
Q327: Eyebrow/eyelash.
A: Which, eyebrow or eyelash?
Q328: Eyebrow?
A: Yay! Got it. Your turn.

[Round Two]
Q1: Are you a butt hair?
A: That’s no fair. I get to go again.
Q1: Okay. Are you a traffic sign?
A: No.
[five minutes later]
Q12: You’re on a computer? You’re a computer part? Forget it. How’m I supposed to know anything about computer parts, if you’re not a mouse or a monitor? Forget it, I quit.
A: C’mon.
Q13: Tell me what you are, and I’ll tell you what I was going to be next time.
A: The “L” key on a computer keyboard.
Q14: The dead DNA in a serving of mashed potatoes.