When I have to pee, it causes traffic jams. The severity of the jam is directly proportional to bladder pressure. This morning I had a couple extra cups of coffee and neglected to pee before heading out, telling myself, eh, I’ll make it. As a result, there was an accident on the freeway and traffic was backed up for miles. Then when I got past that, there was more such nonsense in Vienna. I’ve never, as an adult, come that close to wetting my pants.
Then, when I got to work, there was no parking near the office. So, when I finally found a spot down the street (a tree-lined street of mansions shoulder-to-shoulder), I barely had time to jump out of my car and take an emergency pee right there. But, because I’m a well-mannered person, I only peed enough so I’d safely make it into work. Which was good, because no sooner had I zipped back up than two rich guys came out of a mansion across the street, talking about whatever rich guys talk about, and climbed into their Porsche and drove off, not having seen a guy standing there with his johnson hanging out of his suit.
“But, because I’m a well-mannered person, I only peed enough so I’d safely make it into work.”
Oh, sure. I can just hear the folk who live on that street. “Now _there’s_ a well-mannered person. Why aren’t more people like him? Did you see that? You could tell by the look in his eyes that he peed only just enough! Why, I hardly had time to focus on his Lyndon Baines before it was gone again. And there’s only a little pee in our grass.”
Yes, little LBJ was out of there quick as a flash.
(“There was an accident on the freeway” was an unfortunate turn of phrase in this context, wasn’t it?)
How the hell does one let ‘just enough’ out of a firehose? If I had to go that bad, there’d be no stopping it… You could’ve peed on the Porsche and screamed maniacally at the guy for cutting you off in traffic.
Reminds me of the time my father said to a shopkeeper who said the bathroom was for employees only, “Do you know the meaning of the word EMERGENCY?”
Must be convenient to be equipped that way. How do you think females handle the problem?
“How do you think females handle the problem?”
Find a quiet spot, drop your drawers, and squat. Be careful not to get any on your clothes. If you consider your bare bum not much of a thing to worry about people seeing — people used to moon for fun — then the worst you’re doing if someone catches you is revealing the equivalent of what the guy shows when he pees.
I’ve actually seen women do this in primitive cultures, such as Seattle, where a date once squatted down between two parked cars on the way home from a pub and let it rip. I was impressed, because she was wearing very high heels.