2019 metamorphosism.com international St. Valentine’s Day limerick contest

The 2019 metamorphosism.com Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest is now closed and we have a winner!
In the words of entrant KayO:

A blogger named Mig posed the query,
“Are limericks really so scary?
“A prize must be granted!”
His readership chanted
In unison, “Give it to Perry!”

Once again, on the basis of his exceedingly clever entries that spited all my efforts to complicate the process with sudden theme changes, poet Perry Iles takes the prize, which this year is one (1) unit of “4“, the new album by Orp, the ambient noise band I am in along with Horst. Perry, please send me your mailing address via the medium of your choice and I will get your prize in the mail ASAP. Congratulations Perry, and thanks to you and all the other entrants (i.e. KayO) for entering. See you again next year.


Welcome to the 2019 edition of the metamorphosism.com International St. Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest.
Please leave your entries in the comments to this post.
Enter as often as you like.
Please note the following: this year’s contest image, at the top, combines images of H.P. Lovecraft and Johnny Cash. This is because extra points this year will be awarded to entries that mashup two or more genres, such as country-western and horror, inspired by a recent social media meme and even a video of a woman singing ‘Jolene’ with Lovecraftian lyrics (I would post a link but the only link I can find goes to a Facebook post and I’m trying to reduce my FB usage).
Please also note that your entry needn’t state which genres you are mashing, but it should be obvious from the entry.
This year’s themes:
(Tough crowd this year.)
(Also check further down the rules for more specific prompts/themes)
World politics
Popular culture
Obsolete technologies

JEFF BEZOS’ SEXTS (I suggest mashing them up with science fiction and/or horror because I like low-hanging fruit, but genre choice is up to entrants)

plus bonus themes to be added as the contest progresses
All participants, young and old, are encouraged to consult the combined FAQ/rules below BECAUSE THEY CHANGE WHILE THE CONTEST IS GOING ON.
Like every year.
It’s just that way.


  • Does it have to be a limerick? YES. This is strictly enforced, and non-limericks will not be accepted. Google proper limerick form if you are not sure.
  • How do I enter? POST YOUR ENTRY OR ENTRIES in the comments to this post. Click on comment, or whatever is down there, and add a new comment.
  • When is the deadline? THE DEADLINE is 14 February 2018
  • Do you mean 12 midnight on the night of the 13th or midnight on the night of the 14th? And which time zone shall have seisin of jurisdiction? We have had considerably confusion in the past! NINE AM (CENTRAL EUROPEAN TIME) 14 February 2017.
  • Is there a prize? YES THERE IS A PRIZE! I will send you the newest album by ORP, “4“, scheduled to be released February 2019
  • Is there a limit to how often I can enter? NO. Enter as often as you like. The more often you enter, the better your chances.
  • Can entries be bawdy? YES, absolutely. These are limericks, they can be bawdy, gross, you name it. It’s not required, but it is in the nature of the genre. ALSO: this is for St. Valentine’s Day so points awarded for love/romance/sex-related poetry. However, entries offensive to the contest operator will be deleted at his discretion, for offenses including but not limited to racism, and misogyny.
  • Complaints and other negative trolling will be deleted. There is no avenue of appeal. Decisions of the judges are final. Be nice, and have fun, and don’t take this too seriously.
  • Is there anything else I can do to be deleted? Yes. Besides complaints, anything else that is not a limerick will also be deleted, especially anything remotely similar to trolling, nastiness or disagreeing with me. That will get you deleted, and whatever else our technicians here can think up. This is meant to be a fun and light-hearted.

Let’s see, what else? Oh yes.

  • Bonus points are awarded for any of the following (No limit to how many themes you may include, the more the better):
  • Summary, in limerick form, of movies based on Cormac McCarthy novels
    Limerickification of famous poems
    Led Zeppelin songs
    Politics, especially but not limited to the Trump Witch Hunt and Brexit
    Sex, all species (do not combine species)
    Science (especially recent scientific breakthroughs)
    Greek expressions (especially ancient Greek)

    Ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day
    Conspiracy theories
    Jeff Bezos’ sexts (could mash up with science fiction/AI run amok, for example)
    Current events
    Disagreements over theoretical physics
    Being Perry Iles

    (More themes to come, watch this space.)

By entering you grant metamorphosism.com permission to publish your entry electronically on metamorphosism.com, in social media (including but not limited to twitter.com, facebook.com and anything else) as well as in book form, although the latter is REALLY unlikely, and has never happened yet, without compensation (this is a non-profit venture, and any possible, although unlikely, book would be, you know, for charity most likely).

10 responses to “2019 metamorphosism.com international St. Valentine’s Day limerick contest

  1. Perry Iles

    They tell me it’s never too late
    For attempting to trans-genre-ate
    Be it country ‘n’ metal
    Or death and black petal-
    Strewn beds for your Valentine’s date

  2. Perry Iles

    “The Road” tells the tale of a hike
    Through destruction and death and the like
    They’d have saved themselves time
    And got there just fine
    If they’d thought about stealing a bike.

  3. Perry Iles

    The Lake District’s lovely green hills
    Are sprinkled with spring daffodils
    In Wordsworth’s invective
    From a mid-lake perspective
    They gave him spectacular thrills

  4. Perry Iles

    A heaven-bound woman from Ware
    Complained about unequal care
    Led Zeppelin’s stairway
    Was a pretty unfair way
    Of getting disabled folk there

  5. Perry Iles

    When the Trojans woke up to a horse
    They talked to it, asking its course.
    “Quo vadis?” They cried
    “Fuck off!” it replied
    “That’s Latin, not Greek, we’ll use force.”

  6. Perry Iles

    Frustration ruled J Alfred Prufrock
    And the ladies would never take true stock
    For his natural charm
    was as thick as you arm
    So he suffered from permanent blue cock.

  7. KayO

    When you’re feeling both restless and bored,
    Your ennui a cruel overlord,
    Eschew the chitchat;
    Just fuck with the cat.
    Annoyance is its own reward.

  8. KayO

    Been dazed and confused for so long
    Can’t quite figure out what is wrong
    It seems most absurd
    But my friends all concurred:
    We don’t know the words to the song.

  9. KayO

    There once was a chatbot named Perry
    Whose readers began to grow wary.
    His prolific storm
    In limerick form
    Was too much for one Iles to carry.

  10. KayO

    On the other hand …

    A blogger named Mig posed the query,
    “Are limericks really so scary?
    “A prize must be granted!”
    His readership chanted
    In unison, “Give it to Perry!”