2010 Metamorphosism St. Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest


Things you should know, in no particular order:

This contest has been going for years, and is extremely popular. The entries are awe-inspiring. Last year some of the winners got a prize. This year, I have saved one or more of my books (Little-Known Facts) and will award it/them as a prize. I think I will get someone else to adjudicate the contest for me this year. THE DEADLINE IS  13 FEBRUARY 2010. Winners will be announced on Valentine’s Day.

RULES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE. That’s just the way life is. Anything else would be, like, trying to deny this fact about our existence. Here are the rules at the present moment:

  1. Entries must be a limerick. Go to wikipedia.org, type “limerick” in the box, go to the entry about the poetic form, not the town, and read.
  2. Or google it, or whatever you people do.
  3. Limericks must include a structural misconception.
  4. Extra points for composers, musical forms, and Mahatma Gandhi jokes.
  5. Report on last year’s contest here.
  6. The arbitrary structural misconception rule was throwing people off (it was that, right?) so that has been eliminated. And composers have been done before, I think. And Gandhi wasn’t really being milked for the maximum comedy there, despite the fact that he used to sleep naked with young women to test his resolve, according to Wikipedia or someplace.
  7. So instead, the following rules will be in place:
  8. The limericks must be, as limericks often are, about love, especially its dodgier aspects BUT however use of the word “love” will result in instant disqualification. (Gamma suggested that one, I’m so proud.)
  9. Extra points will be awarded for the following: disgraced medical treatments, freshwater amoeba, character actors from the “That Guy” list of actors, skeletal bones, Irish politics, Irish writers, legal concepts, punctuation, and apocrypha.

SUBMIT ENTRIES IN THE COMMENTS TO THIS POST! Please include a valid email address (not posted) so that you can be contacted in case you win. Or don’t, whatever.

97 responses to “2010 Metamorphosism St. Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest

  1. I am not an official entrant this year. I’m adopting the Navajo philosophy, which, according to Tony Hillerman, means that if you win something three times in a row, you don’t enter the next time. But I might contribute a limerick now and then, unofficially.
    I can’t separate things into paragraphs on your blog, mig, so this note refers to the limerick which will follow. The structural misconception is in putting the definite article after the noun in the first line.

  2. Man the he’d written a song,
    But, golly, he’d sure got it wrong,
    He wrote about Ghandi,
    He rhymed it with randy,
    And said he was known for his dong!

  3. Trish

    A rhyme of six lines is perverse
    But to write in couplets is a curse
    But with Gandhi humming
    And Handel with him strumming
    A couple and two couplets make my verse

  4. I once knew a man named DeJin
    He was known to grow hair on his chin
    when I asked why this was so
    he replied very slow
    In this repressive economic prison, I am forced to work for such meager restitutions so that my employer can increase their margins that I can not afford to by razors

  5. The remodeler took out a support,
    The house stood; “It is strong, like a fort,
    “Advice we don’t heed,
    “Supports we don’t need,”
    Now the roof’s on the floor; he’s in court!

    This is based on an true experience with my late father-in-law, which fortunately turned out better than this, i.e., the building did not actually collapse.

  6. The beat of a lim’rick to me,
    Is as perfect as perfect can be,
    Any structu’al misconceptions,
    Lie in the directions,
    And Lerner and Lowe would agree.
    Tee hee hee!

  7. An op’ra soprano named Heather,
    Worked a cruise ship in very bad weather,
    When she hit those high seas (sic),
    Oh golly, oh geez, hic,
    She found herself quite a bit seasick.

  8. Peter Oliver

    Cinders’ suitor at last broke the silence
    The lost Schumann had searched low and high lands.
    Serenaders could sing
    But they couldn’t have strings
    For he followed Ghandi’s path of non violins.

  9. Richard Rodgers and Oscar the second,
    Their music the whole country beckoned,
    On Broadway for years,
    Amidst millions of cheers,
    To nobody did they come second, I reckon.

  10. Misconceptions, and this I declare,
    Are things of which one’s not aware,
    All errors made by choice,
    By pen or by voice,
    Don’t fit the description; so there!
    Pretense is here something we share.

  11. Trish

    I see Jann’s not participating this year.

  12. Writing lim’ricks is fun as can be,
    First you pick out a topic, you see,
    Then you find words that rhyme,
    Fix the rhythm and time,
    Then you add a “mistake” if needs be,
    (Cuz this year an error is the key).

  13. Shel Silverstein seems all the rage,
    Mason’s class learned the poems on the page,
    All written by Shel,
    And recited quite well,
    By the children who’re seven of age
    Twas a reason they got on the stage:

    Barnes and Noble had books they would sell,
    And the school’d get the profit, how swell,
    Parents came for the verse,
    The school got the purse,
    Twas a venture we hope turned out well,
    All the angst over money to quell.

  14. That limericks all should be dirty,
    I’ve heard many times, maybe thirty,
    But these here, en masse,
    Are not of that class,
    Not even a little bit flirty, alas.

  15. georgia

    I once knew a heart wrapped in blood
    That pumped to its hearts content
    Each cell was so swell
    that all marvelled and sent
    Valentine’s for Love to tell

  16. georgia

    When Gandhi spoke of Love
    He looked upon the dove
    And said how pure can one heart be
    Then looked in the mirror and said,
    Why look at that, it’s me!
    A pretty picture of Valentine-Led

  17. georgia

    A limerick is a wordy trick
    meant to sort of stick in your head
    To tie it up with Valentine’s
    Make light of Love and perhaps that’s good
    Cuz then it’s more easily understood

  18. georgia

    A limerick for Valentine’s Day
    Sets sentiment aside for words to play
    With a jot and a tittle and
    a fiddle dee dee
    Just look at this Love’s ABC’s display!

  19. georgia

    I Wish i might, may say today
    In my own flusterated way
    I am here and now and
    You are mine I vow
    My somewhere, sometime Valentine

  20. georgia

    I dare say Ghandi knew his peace
    While I know my carrots and peas
    Next comes chocolate truffles
    A dress with white ruffles
    And we both love the dog with fleas

  21. georgia

    Say, give me a whirl of romance
    Just don’t ask me for to dance
    Nor this and that
    I prefer my cat
    O horizons I must enhance!

  22. georgia

    Until the sky turns to fire
    My heart is filled with desire
    It’s plain to see
    My diary is free
    But I still wish and not tire

  23. georgia

    My Valentine is as good as gold
    Or so I have been so very told
    By those who are bold
    And seemingly sold
    on our love being good as gold

  24. georgia

    I learned to write a limerick
    And what good did it do
    I still get up
    Put on my shoes
    And the cows they still say Moo

  25. georgia

    Some say I waste the time
    On nonsense like this rhyme
    If I choose to stay here
    Then what may you care
    Playing letters like a french mime

  26. georgia

    Stay awhile and be my Valentine
    And sign the official dotted line
    Then say “I do’
    Your love is true
    And perhaps we should become one mind

  27. georgia

    If I may say it’s been a lovely day
    And you reply it sure has been okay
    And I hear bells
    And you don’t say
    What can I expect on Valentines’ Day?

  28. georgia

    This is my very last limerick
    There must be a rule that sticks
    One more makes you sick
    Like a bite from a tick
    Or a candle without a wick

  29. georgia

    I’m back today with more of the same
    A valentine’s wish for the lonely and plain
    And for those that are not
    who are sometimes just bought
    And true loves who never do feign

  30. georgia

    There once was a man named Doo-Dad
    Who lived in a shack that was sad
    The roof was just able
    To hold up a fable
    Of the sad shack and the man named Doo-Dad

  31. georgia

    There once was a story that survived all its glory
    It’s radience still shines yet today
    It was printed and then
    The author did send
    It away and its still shining there today

  32. georgia

    There once was a limerick I didn’t take
    So I said hey you, go jump in the lake
    He then snazzled my brain
    But what did he gain
    But a fan that’s a fanciful fake

  33. georgia

    While the time away you may say
    But the Limerick is here to stay
    Such as Valentine’s Day
    All frolic and play
    With none of the sweets on the tray

  34. georgia

    There was a child who was very mild
    And there was none as mild as this child
    Who fell sleep one day
    And never rose to play
    So the once mild child is now filed

  35. georgia

    The Limerick woke me up out of sleep
    Like a jolt of midnight creep
    It was poking my brain
    Making somewhat insane
    With words that were just so deep!

  36. georgia

    Red Hearts and rose flower
    With chocolates to devour
    from milk of cows
    That always wows
    Every year on Valentine’s hour

  37. georgia

    Sorry if I bored you I pray
    With my limericks all gone astray
    I’ll try to be brief
    And to your relief
    Say this is enough for today!

  38. georgia

    There once was a man named Rick Limer
    Loving limericks as a heart does tick
    He then earned some fame
    When he did but claim
    To change his name to Limer Rick

  39. Pingback: Metamorphosism» Blog Archive » Last-minute limerick contest rule change:

  40. Big rule change. I would now like to be an official contestant. Am I allowed to change my mind? First limerick under the new rules:

    Sue’s beau had become quite distracted,
    Their hope for a future redacted,
    He’d swum in a lake,
    A ghastly mistake,
    For N. fowleri he’d contracted!

  41. peter the piper

    there once was a man from tangiers
    who found that he couldn’t shed any tears
    so when he visited a whore
    and bashed her head with a door
    he wished had chosen a different career

  42. peter the piper

    as a young couple went walking one sunday
    the man said to the girl maybe one day
    when grow limber enough
    and trim down that tuft
    i won’t get caught in the seaweed while diving

  43. peter the piper

    though the stars above the earth doth shine
    and the depths of my heart be thine
    the next time in bed
    when there is an ache in your head
    I’ll go get the asprin bottle and fuck it

  44. peter the piper

    there once was a wife who would talk
    and her husband was sharp as a hawk
    when he tried to write prose
    she whistled through her nose
    and they all laughed when she said the word caulk

  45. peter the piper

    one roomate had bought a new TV
    and the other had naught so said he
    I’ll wait till he leaves
    then leave it paused and we’ll see
    how he likes the giant burn mark of gay porn on his screen

  46. Now Gamma has set us a task,
    One should not undertake sans a flask,
    Why is it strong liking,
    Is rhyming with biking,
    Instead of with dove?, one might ask.

  47. He wrote poems for the lady he’d marry,
    But the road to true rhythm was hairy,
    Their thirst they did quench,
    From a pond with no stench,
    And acquired amoebic dysentery.

  48. For the lady, he felt a strong liking,
    He asked if she’d care to go hiking,
    From the path did they stray a bit,
    And rolled in the hay a bit,
    For the next date he thought they’d try biking!

  49. He thanked the dear heavens above,
    For his lady was sweet as a dove,
    And what were his musings,
    As he thouught of their fusings?
    “Aye, we fit like a hand in a glove.”

  50. The first night, it should be magnificent,
    But the bride was decidedly diffident,
    She stayed in the shower,
    For over an hour,
    And the groom? It was off in a tiff he went!