Bartender:  Could either of you guys spare a hand? My help is all on strike. I’m really handicapped here. Now I’m being investigated for labor violations, but I was framed. Seriously, it’s a perfect frame. They all just split. I’d say something about Kegler exercises but I can’t fit it in. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Pin 1: Sorry, we don’t have hands.

Pin 2: How’s your campaign to alienate everyone coming?

Pin 1: Fine. I tracked down an old friend and she wrote back all isn’t the future great internet etc and for an unrelated reason I fell into a dark depression and wrote back a totally creepy, malapropic response. I’m mortified. Needless to say that’s the last I heard of her.

Pin 2: Creepy, huh?

Pin 1: I had the creepiness under control there for a while, then everything fell apart. Fucking shadow self, man.

Pin 2: So what are you doing for it?

Pin 1: The usual, clean living, step by step, fresh air, hydration. I tried affirmations but I got sidetracked. A cat sits on me whenever I try to meditate.

Pin 2: Nothing beats having the creepiness under control. Except maybe a room across the street from the student nurse dormitory showers. And opera glasses.

Pin 1: [Slow turn] Hang on just a minute.

Pin 2: Heh.

Pin 1: You’re my shadow self, ain’t you?

Pin 2: Just because there’s snow on the roof doesn’t mean there aren’t rats living in the walls.

Pin 1: [Sigh]

Pin 2: And in the cellar. We’re a team, pal. The 7 – 10 split.

Pin 1: So what is it you want?

Pin 2: Whatever you don’t want. Consciously, that is. What you officially don’t want.

Pin 1: Never mind, I read about you on wikipedia. So how do I deal with you?

Pin 2: That’s for me to know and you to find out.