The micropalaeontologist wakes up and thinks, damn. He thinks, what the hell was I dreaming?
Sometimes dreams vanish without a trace.
Rain strikes the window robustly. A cat purrs. The micropalaeontologist thinks, sometimes you have to turn on the special effects machine and freeze all the elements of your life, stop time and stroll among them, open-mouthed and wide-eyed and observe everything closely from every angle until you find a perspective that is not humiliating.
Sometimes you have to look hard until you find a method of seeing that does not make everything look like failure.
Some mornings are just like that, nights too.
You have to look and look.
Take all the time you need.