2015 St. Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest

2015 metamorphosism.com St. Valentine's day Limerick contest

We here at metamorphosism.com have the distinct pleasure to announce the opening of this year’s St. Valentine’s Day Limerick contest. This could possibly be the contest’s 14th year, if you can believe that.

Time flies.

You may be wondering whether there is a prize this year. So far, no. But that could change. Yes, of course there is a prize. The winner will receive a copy of The Bug, a comic book starring Mig Living’s much-loved orthographically-challenged insectoid, tEh Bgu.

Before entering the contest, please read the following rules. As last year, to encourage you to read the rules, instructions on how to enter the contest are hidden within the rules. Contestants please note slight rule changes below, in the bonus theme section.

  1. No fighting.
  2. The three most important things: Scansion, scansion, scansion.
  3. Enter as often as you like. The more often you enter, the better your chances of winning. But read the other rules first.
  4. Violation of any of the following rules may hurt your chances, so please read them carefully.
  5. Also please note that any of the following rules are subject to change without notice, at the whim of the contest organizers and judge(s). This is a feature, not a bug. By entering you accept this fact, and all of the rules, and even proactively accept future rules the current rules may change to at any time.
  6. Entries must be limericks. (This rule never changes, promise.)
  7. Entries should be artful and delight the reader’s artistic sensibilities.
  8. Being limericks, entries may of course be humorous, bawdy, shocking, obscene, etc., but this is not required. All that is required is that the entry be a limerick (A-A-B-B-A rhyme scheme, etc, look it up). The wikipedia article on limericks, for example, is here.
  9. Points are subtracted for violation of any of these rules.
  10. Points are also subtracted arbitrarily in accordance with the application of the algorithm of unfairness.
  11. Bonus points are awarded for incorporation of one or more bonus themes, listed below.
  12. Bonus themes: failed utopias, gender issues, historical political movements, non-Western musical instruments, dipsomania, food poisoning (especially the bacteria that cause it), capitalism, Ayn Rand, sex dolls, historical articles of clothing, parasites that influence the behavior of the host, especially (but not only) in humans, the history of the tuxedo, B-movie tropes, television detective dramas, supernatural despair especially as portrayed in the fiction of Robert W. Chambers, the various proteins on the surface of the influenza virus, historic epidemics, the economics of monopolies.
  13. Bonus themes are subject to change during the contest, possibly rendering entries previously eligible for bonus points suddenly ineligible.
  14. *NEW*: HARDSHIP POINTS Extra hardship points will be awarded to limericks written without the letter “E”.
  15. But don’t worry, it’s all good.
  16. Entries should be submitted in the comments to this post.
  17. Deadline is 14 February, winners will be announced 14 February.
  18. Judging and other procedures in the conduct of this contest pretend to be crooked, but they are actually pretty fair, but there is never any guarantee this will be the case this time. Just assume the contest is crooked and unfair and you won’t be disappointed.
  19. Complaints will be deleted.
  20. There is no right to, nor avenue of, appeal.
  21. You may enter as often as you like. So check back often to read all the new entries and see if the rules have changed, or the bonus themes.
  22. By entering the contest, you grant metamorphosism.com permission to publish your entry (here in the comments where you enter it, and possibly on facebook or twitter, to publicize the contest) but you retain all rights to your entries.
  23. Feel free to email me at metamorphosist@gmail.com if you have any questions or find one particular limerick especially great or whatever.
  24. Please have fun.
  25. Last, but not least: my deep thanks to my talented friend Bran Fox for designing the logo for this year’s contest, as in so many years past.

 

 

2013 metamorphosism.com International St. Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest

Hard to believe a year has passed, but it has.

Suddenly, it’s time for the metamorphosism.com St. Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest again.

ZOMFG!

The contest will be very simple this year. Here are the rules:

  1. Read all the rules before entering. This is because entering the contest indicates that you have read and accepted all the rules and terms of the contest.
  2. Enter in the comments to this post.
  3. All entries must be in limerick form. If you are unfamiliar with what constitutes limerick form, a quick Internet search using the search engine of your choice will clear up any uncertainty. Alternatively, you may consult a book or ask someone.
  4. This year, there is no prize. This may change if someone generously donates a prize, but don’t hold your breath.
  5. There is a mystery judge this year. Maybe I’m the judge, maybe someone else. Who knows? It’s a mystery.
  6. As every year, conduct of the contest and judging will be arbitrary, corrupt, biased and otherwise patently unfair. Believe me, no one suffers more from this than I. I would change it if I could, but this is a built-in feature of the contest and always has been.
  7. Anyone complaining about the rules, conduct of the contest, judging or anything else in connection with the limerick contest shall be disqualified and ridiculed publicly or privately, at my discretion.
  8. Rules are subject to change without prior and/or further notice.
  9. The contest has one or more themes every year. This year, the themes are malfeasance, iatrogenic illness,  Scandinavia (especially furniture),  jurisprudence animal husbandry, Scotland, horseradish and television series involving dragons or cooking (or both)
  10. Bonus points for astronomical legal terminology, as well as terminology suggested by the themes listed in rule 9.
  11. As per rule 8, themes and bonus points are also subject to change without further and/or prior notice.
  12. Winners will be announced on  or about St. Valentine’s Day (14 February 2013 (my time)).
  13. Have fun!

Travelkind

My daughter Beta is currently eating durian in Singapore, en route to Australia, where she will be drinking Foster’s, I presume. If you don’t believe me, you can read about it at her new travelblog.

In Beta’s honor, I have changed the rules to this year’s limerick contest to require Australian place names, among other things.

I miss her already.

Metamorphosism International Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest, v.2012

The Metamorphosism 2012 St. Valentine's Day Limerick Contest

In the spirit of Art’s Birthday, which today is, namely participatory and cooperative creation of art, it is a great pleasure to announce this year’s Metamorphosism International Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest.

Over the years, hundreds of brilliant limericks have seen the light of day thanks to this contest, and we are looking forward to seeing a lot this year. As always, there are rules which, as always, are subject to arbitrary change at my whim, at short notice and unannounced. The decisions of the judge will be final. There will be at least two prizes this year, maybe more. Contact me if you have a prize you’d like to donate. My email is metamorphosist@gmail.com. Two prizes have  already been donated, one by Bran, her book The Slow-Moving Person’s Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse: A How-to for the Survival of the Unfit, and the other by me (with fine-art illustrations by Bran), namely a remaining copy of my book Little-Known Facts about Various Marine-Dwelling Animals (if I can find it in my messy studio).

The rules: (NOTE UNFAIR AND ARBITRARY RULE CHANGES MADE ON 7 FEBRUARY 2012 SUPERCEDING PREVIOUS RULE CHANGES)

  • Entries must be genuine limericks. Look up what a limerick is before entering if you don’t know.
  • Make entries as comments to this post.
  • Include a valid email address so I can contact you if necessary. Emails are not published.
  • Limericks are famous for being raunchy, so this contest is open only to people old enough to be writing raunchy limericks, even if the actual limericks you enter are not raunchy, because there is a chance you will at least be reading raunchy limericks.
  • These are limericks, and the contest is for Valentine’s Day, so thematically they should include something related to love and/or sex, requited or not. Obsession, attraction, etc. are also okay.
  • Deadline is February 13, 2012, because the winners will be announced with much fanfare on February 14, 2012. It is the last Valentine’s Day in the history of mankind, if the Mayans are right, so make your entries count.
  • I would like to publish a volume of the best entries from past years, so by entering you are giving me permission to (possibly) publish your entry in such a volume, without remuneration (any profits will be donated to charity). Otherwise all rights remain with authors.
  • Extra points: (Be sure and read this rule; it is practically impossible to win without extra credit)  Extra credit is awarded this year for references to / incorporation of the following: MARITIME DISASTERS, STRIPPERS, POLITICAL SCANDALS, AND SPERM DONATIONH.P. Lovecraft, Australian place names (especially Wollongong and Tweed Heads), esoteric philosophy, and wrestling holds. New entries following the previous, superceded rules will be DISQUALIFIED.  literary parody (especially Cormac McCarthy), obscure sciences, consequences of environmental pollution, various chimera by name, Japanese Noh theater actors, anthropological concepts, functional recipes, and types of knots. And the apocalypse.
  • You may enter as often as you like. Multiple entries are encouraged, and improve your chances of winning.
  • You are encouraged to spread the word about this contest.
  • Have a nice day.
  • PS on your way out, why not go watch my videos on youtube? (IMPORTANT: According to my youtube stats, many of you have not been following this rule!)
  • Or go take a look at the 2009 contest, which was a very good year for poetry.

(Many thanks to bran for this year’s logo!)