2020 metamorphosism.com international St. Valentine’s Day limerick contest


Thank you for visiting the 2020 metamorphosism.com International St. Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest. Entries are now closed! I am leaving comments open for a while for congratulations and well-wishes to the contestants.

Winner this year is dark-horse entrant Perry Iles. Congratulations, Perry.
It was a close decision, this year, between Perry Iles and runner-up KayO.
Thanks to Perry, KayO and Tim, who gets extra points for mentioning bergamot marmalade.
See you next year!

Welcome to the 2020 edition of the metamorphosism.com International St. Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest.
I remember when 2000 was the distant future.
Now it’s 20 years after that.
As always, please leave your entries in the comments to this post.
Enter as often as you like.
Please note the following: this year’s contest image, up there at the top, is Nosferatu, and I believe in the public domain, signifying that once again there will be extra points for HORROR, in keeping with the very stupid apocalyptican feel of current events. Ideally, the image would be mashed up with something gangster-related for the Klept/corruption theme going around too in current events, but honestly I couldn’t be arsed this year. But there will also be extra points for corruption.
This year’s themes (in addition to the above):
(Also check further down the rules for newer and/or more specific prompts/themes)
Obsolete arts and technologies
plus bonus themes to be added as the contest progresses
All participants are required to consult the combined FAQ/rules below BECAUSE THEY CHANGE WHILE THE CONTEST IS GOING ON.
Like every year.


  • Does it have to be a limerick? YES. This is strictly enforced, and non-limericks will not be accepted. Google correct limerick form if you are not sure.
  • How do I enter? POST YOUR ENTRY OR ENTRIES in the comments to this post. Click on comment, or whatever is down there, and add a new comment.
  • When is the deadline? THE DEADLINE is 14 February 2020
  • Do you mean 12 midnight on the night of the 13th or midnight on the night of the 14th? And which time zone shall have seisin of jurisdiction? We have had considerably confusion in the past! NINE AM (CENTRAL EUROPEAN TIME) 14 February 2020.
  • Is there a prize? Maybe. I don’t know yet.
  • Is there a limit to how often I can enter? NO. Enter as often as you like. The more often you enter, the better your chances.
  • Can entries be bawdy? YES, absolutely. These are limericks, they can be bawdy, gross, you name it. It’s not required, but it is in the nature of the genre. ALSO: this is for St. Valentine’s Day so points awarded for love/romance/sex-related poetry. However, entries offensive to the contest operator will be deleted at his discretion, for offenses including but not limited to racism, and misogyny, and politics to which I object.
  • Complaints and other negative trolling will be deleted. There is no avenue of appeal. Decisions of the judges are final. Be nice, and have fun, and don’t take this too seriously.
  • Is there anything else I can do to be deleted? Yes. Besides complaints, anything else that is not a limerick will also be deleted, especially anything remotely similar to trolling, nastiness or disagreeing with me. That will get you deleted, and whatever else our technicians here can think up. This is meant to be a fun and light-hearted.

Let’s see, what else? Oh yes.

  • Bonus points are awarded for any of the following (No limit to how many themes you may include, the more the better):
  • Embarrassing public clumsiness. Concussions, possibly and/or A Concussed History of Scotland. Mechanical problems. Slapstick. The definition of “apocalypse”: end of the world or revelation? Will Nancy Pelosi make bunny ears behind Trump’s head when he announces the Final Solution? (<--That joke originally seen in a Sandra Newman tweet). Reproductive strategies of insects. Diseases affecting the human brain. 19th-century theories regarding sex.
    Entries in the DSM-5 (or, for those so inclined, the ICD-10). Time travel. Prosopagnosia. Earthworms. Anti-fascism. (From recent suggestions)

    Summary, in limerick form, of movies based on Cormac McCarthy novels
    More will be added as the month progresses

    (More themes to come, watch this space.)

By entering you grant metamorphosism.com permission to publish your entry electronically on metamorphosism.com, in social media (including but not limited to twitter.com, facebook.com and anything else) as well as in book form, although the latter is REALLY unlikely, and has never happened yet, without compensation (this is a non-profit venture, and any possible, although unlikely, book would be, you know, for charity most likely). I have never published them anywhere but here, but who knows?

13 responses to “2020 metamorphosism.com international St. Valentine’s Day limerick contest

  1. Perry Iles

    When sorting the good from the dross
    You’ll find gems, and things not worth a toss
    Dracula’s stuffy
    Compared to young Buffy
    Or scary Max Shreck playing Nos

  2. Perry Iles

    Cormac McCarthy’s The Road
    Could have lightened its cumbersome load
    They’d have saved the long hikes
    If they’d stolen two bikes
    And rode out of trouble when it showed

  3. Perry Iles

    There once was an Austrian fella
    Who kept a dead whore in his cellar
    It took him some pluck
    To have a cold fuck
    But it kept him from feeling so mela

  4. Perry Iles

    To statistically classify disease
    Is certainly never a breeze
    But there’s some correlation
    From nation to nation
    Through coughs, colds and contacts and sneeze

  5. KayO

    Neurologist Oliver Sacks
    Had a patient who fell through the cracks:
    Thought his wife was a hat,
    And with fearsome eclat
    Declared, “She gives head to the max!”

  6. Perry Iles

    They say I should look to the sky
    And I suddenly realise why
    A change in the climate
    Affects every primate
    I must trade in the Jag for a Pri

  7. Perry Iles

    Young Greta tells me that the biosphere
    Is the antithesis of a cryosphere
    The days are now over
    For my poor old Range Rover
    And I must invest in a Prius
    I fear.

  8. Perry Iles

    Good times are going, they say
    Rough weather is well on the way
    Enough with this stuff
    The sanctions are rough
    As the price is far too high to pay

  9. KayO

    An idea came to Bram Stoker
    To costume himself as The Joker.
    For Batman, it’s true,
    Like Nosferatu,
    Needs a counterpart clown Midnight Toker.

  10. Perry Iles

    Parthenogenesis works
    In the insect world consequence lurks
    Once they get you in bed
    They bite off your head
    Because insects are basically jerks

  11. Perry Iles

    When shagging a mantis or ant
    Keep your head’s what you usually can’t
    They say viviparity
    Is better than charity
    So just keep your dick in your pant

  12. Tim

    Bergamot Marmalade
    With water and sugar it’s made
    Recalling ants last summer
    That was a bummer
    To the shopping list he adds a can of raid

  13. KayO

    I think it might be nice to die.
    Eventually I plan to try.
    No chores, just peace —
    A soft release —
    ‘Scuse me, I’ll kiss the sky.

    (Not suicidal, just gloriously lazy.)