Park car. Get out. Look at all the dirt on it already. Leaves. Scratches. Nicks.

Actually, no scratches yet. Not really any nicks either. Couple small, really small ones, from pebbles bounced up by other cars. One… that’s a big one. Is that a nick? Or dirt?

Scratch at it with nail of right index finger.

Bird shit. Apparently bird shit. Not a scratch.

Carry mineral water and banana into work.

Bird shit. Wasn’t very big. When they say “migratory bird,” they mean like swans and stuff, right?

Sign in at work with pen chained to counter.

They don’t mean like wrens and blackbirds, right?

Push button for elevator.

Or tits and finks and stuff. They’re not migratory, are they?

Wash hands good before taking a pee, just in case.

How to write a catchy blog entry, #1

Imagine my surprise when I poured myself a cup of coffee Sunday morning and opened the newspaper to see, on the front page, a picture of myself the previous night, tie askew, dorky expression on my face, staggering out of a Viennese bar with my arms around the necks of two skanky starlets. Journalists work so fast nowadays, I thought.

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