My unfunny meeting

Parents should be involved in their children’s education, I think. So I let myself get suckered into serving as president of the local music school PTA for the last two years. I resigned at last night’s meeting, and it was a relief.

I am neither a public speaker nor an organized person. I had to give a report last night on what I’d done in the last year or two. It went okay, better than I’d feared. Having root canal earlier in the day sort of relativized it, or, at least, it put me in a daze so I sort of glided through.

I started a school newspaper, the organization bought a bunch of instruments for the school, including a concert harp, etc etc. Then I said I was resigning (it was no surprise), they gave me a going-away present of tulips (my favorite flower) and a bottle of Irish whiskey, we elected a new president, sat around saying blah-blah-blah for a while, then ate little sandwiches and drank champagne and red wine.

Nothing humiliating happened the entire evening. A real blogging disappointment. Well, one woman, sort of a retired homewrecker, very charismatic woman, told me I needed more self-confidence. That and a haircut. She kept touching my hair, and heckled the new president. It made me wonder if she maybe needed to get her meds adjusted, or whether she’d been drinking before the meeting.

“Normally I’m not crazy about short hair, but you’re an exception.”

And another woman there had recently split from her husband. Suddenly, she’s 20 lbs lighter, wearing makeup and a plaid miniskirt and looking good, despite the plaid. What is it with this strange attraction divorcees exert on married men, anyway? (Hi, Alpha! Just kidding!)

Yes, anyway.

So I need self-confidence. (And a haircut.) Maybe I am too nice. Feh.

Overheard at Life’s Cafe

Life: “Hey, Mig. How’s it going?”
Me: “Eh, not so bad, Life.”
Life: “Hows about a slice of cake?”
Me: “Whatcha got?”
Life: “Hows about a Sacher torte?”
Me: “That sounds good. Gimme a big, fat slice.”
Life: “Here ya go.”
Me: [takes bite] “Ehhhh! This isn’t Sacher torte!”
Life: “Heh.”
Me: [chews a little more to be sure] “This is Sacher-Masoch torte!!”
Life: “Heh, heh.”

Is it safe?

Driving to work this morning, I was chewing gum because I’ve been cranky because I’m quitting smoking again. A filling fell out of a molar.

But that was okay, because I got an appointment right away at my dentist today.

But just as I was going to leave work to go to the dentist, I had to take some urgent documents to my boss, who is attending a conference at the U.N.

But that was okay, because I managed to race to the U.N., give him the documents, return to work, get my own car and make it to the dentist nearly in time.

In fact, I was 20 minutes late, but that was okay because it turned out I had to wait two hours in the waiting room.

But that was okay, because at least I got to read some magazines.

Unfortunately, there were only three magazines – some dumb society magazine about what celebrities are wearing, a financial magazine, and one about musicals.

But that was okay, because not only do I now know that Gwynneth Paltrow is unhappy with her figure, they made a musical out of “Reefer Madness” and apparently have an impressive musical about Tin-Tin showing in Belgium, I also picked up some good advice on tax evasion in Germany.

So, after two hours I went in to have the filling replaced. The assistant wanted me to decide between plastic, amalgam, gold or ceramic, the latter two which would take two visits. Decisions, decisions.

But that was okay, because as it turned out, I didn’t have to make any decision.

“Hm,” the dentist said. “Looks deep.”

“Maybe root canal,” he said.

He drilled around a little. “Yep,” he said. “Root canal. Do you want a shot?”

That was an easier decision to make. (I once had a tooth drilled without anaesthetic to see what it was like.)

It’s really amazing what they can fit into your mouth.

But that’s okay, because as he drilled and stuck oddly-shaped things into my tooth, I got to lie there and listen to the music on the radio.

Like “Mack the Knife.” And, lieing there in the dentist’s chair, with this blue latex sheet over half my face, and three pointy doo-dads stuck into my tooth, and this cold metal hook holding my mouth open, and a metal ring around my tooth anchoring down the dental dam, and various drill-bits making, alternately, sharp grinding noises and pulpier grinding noises, listening to “Mack the Knife” on the radio and now and then suffering jags of medium pain despite the shot he gave me, I couldn’t help thinking, “I’d still rather be doing this than presiding over the meeting of the parents’ association at the music school.

Which is what I’m doing tonight.

Eating out

You are at a nice Italian restaurant early one Saturday evening, trying to enjoy your meal, but a four year-old child, apparently high on amphetamines and a six-pack of Coca Cola, is bouncing off the walls. You are distracted from your scampi and risotto as she swings from the back of a stranger’s chair and tells her parents fantastic stories at the top of her voice despite them protesting under their breath. Then she runs back to the bar, climbs up onto a bar stool and smells a vase of yellow tulips there.

You wonder what the hell her parents are thinking, and why they ever bothered to reproduce if they can’t even keep their child quiet.

They are thinking this:

Father: “Gamma’s going to fall off that bar stool and hurt her leg.”
Mother: “I wonder if they’ll ever let us back into this restaurant after this production? Eh, oh well. Sure is nice to sit and have a glass of prosecco after a business trip to Japan. Cheers.”
Father: “Cheers. Only four and hanging out in bars. [Girl falls off bar stool and hurts leg, limps over to parents, complaining loudly.] I told you to sit down. I hope no one complains about the kid, cause then I’ll have to tell them to fuck off I was sorry.”
Mother: [To 12 year-old daughter] “What was that luxury hotel we stayed at in Japan, the Meridian or something?”
Older daughter: “Le Meridian.”
Father: [To no one in particular] “I have a daughter who corrects her mother about Japanese luxury hotels? I’ll have to blog this.” [Watches younger daughter run off again to get into more trouble.]

Far as I know, there is nothing you can do about an unruly child. Beta was always well-behaved in public, Gamma is only most of the time. But sometimes she gets tired and hungry and it is as if she were on drugs. Nothing gets through to her. The only alternative would have been to drag her, kicking and screaming, back out to the car. And that option was out because we were hungry, among other things.

Prank call

Mr. Woltron: [answering telephone] “Woltron residenz.”
Anonymous Caller: “Mr. Voltron?”
Mr. W.: “Speaking.”
AC: “The Mr. Voltron? Could I ask you a question?”
Mr. W: “Yes, zis is Woltron, go ahead, I tink.”
AC: “Are you really made of lions?”
Mr. W: “Vat? Oh, not again…”
AC: “How many bombs will it take to win the war on terrorism?”
Mr. W: “Oh, go avay.” [Hangs up telephone]

Feral Living proud recipient of two Blorgi awards

For a number of reasons beyond my control, including lethargy and lacksidasicality, I’m only now able to express my gratitude and surprise at being the proud recipient of two coveted Blorgi awards, the winners of which were announced earlier this month here at BobtheCorgi.
The first award was in the category of #1 Soup Supporter for support rendered to BobtheCorgi’s Plog (=souP log).
Secondly, in the category of Multiple Lifetimes Achievement, I received the award for Oldest Continuous Weblog In Existance. (Check my archives for more on that).


Zella had old parents, thick glasses and a heart condition, which killed her in fourth or fifth grade.

Zella missed a lot of school to spend time in the hospital. When she’d come back, the teacher always assigned me to help her with her school work. When we had square-dancing, the teacher had me dance with Zella because I was never mean to her, although I feared if I was too nice she’d want to marry me.

In high school, Zella’s sister went crazy and talked to dead Zella until they locked her up in the mental hospital.

Every now and then I think of Zella for no reason.