I’d let Dick Cheney actually run the damn thing, I’m sure he knows what he’s doing by now.

Maybe nobody’s gonna vote for me, but that’s ok, it’s not an elected position.

I like the news=news rule.
Announcer: And now, just in from Washington DC: it has been alleged that… [ZZZZT!!! Announcer winces, claws at fiberglass collar around neck] Aiieee! [Brushes notes from table] I’m not reading this.
Muffled voice from offstage: Blahblahblahblah.
Announcer: I’ve had it. I told you he watched this show. [Unclips collar] Here, you want me to read this, you put on the electroshock collar.

I was going to write something serious about changing things to encourage people to share, how as emperor I would tweak systems to make people more likely to take the bus or the train (or to walk!) and less likely to drive alone in a big car to get a hamburger. More likely to live near where they work, and to work in livable places, and less likely to work in places that become silent and empty canyons after work. More likely to relax in a giant public park than in a fenced back garden. More likely to go to the library than to the book store or record store.

But it sounded like I was competing for the Miss America title, because we’re all horrible cynics, me especially, so I gave up.

On the streets of philatophilia…