I would like a good travel guide with local tips kept up to date by recent travelers and long-time expats and so on. There are places in your town that the official guides rave about and you know are crap, or at least too overcrowded to be worth visiting except on Monday mornings or whatever. But the tips would have to include a description of the writer — some kid’s “excellent place to meet people” might be Eeksy-Peeksy’s “noisy, uncomfortable, overpriced warehouse full of sweaty kids.”

Qui, moi?

“Australian Outback, Northern Territory. Circumnavigate the rusty hulk of Uluru, Australia’s rock of ages, listen to the songs of ancestors sung by the winds whistling through great gaping gashes carved by sneaking waters; as a frilled neck lizard croaks for an encore under burning blue skies.”

Ugh! And where’s the proofreader? What’s that semi-colon doing there??