Comments on: Feral Limerick Contest

By: Vibert Hutchinson

Vibert Hutchinson — Sun, 16 Mar 2003 05:25:53 +0000

Oh Joy House, from perfect hibernation
Doth arise in true consternation
Wings of a butterfly, un-curled
See what life has un-furled.
For Master’s eager expectation!

By: Vibert Hutchinson

Vibert Hutchinson — Sun, 16 Mar 2003 05:10:58 +0000

In a balloon with a lady from Cardiff
I g-r-e-w quite sensually stiff
When we crashed to the ground
On our backs dragged around
My “salute” was gone in a whiff !

By: Michelle Dunlap

Michelle Dunlap — Fri, 07 Feb 2003 19:29:39 +0000

There once was a lovely Valentine,
Who just couldn’t seem to rhyme,
She pulled out her hair…
Her nostrils did flare,
And said, “Aw what the heck..JUST BE MINE!”

By: BtC

BtC — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 18:19:49 +0000

We once dreamt about Jerry Lewis.
We were chaste, but he wanted to do us.
It was only a dream,
But it still makes us cream.
If we dream it again, he can screw us.

(originally published on Lilly White. I don’t usually go in for this sort of thing, but Jerry Lewis … ooh, la la!)

By: francis s.

francis s. — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 15:30:24 +0000

Though his stomach protruded obtrusively,
Sir John dressed in tight suits exclusively;
With his mustache waxed dandy,
equipped with mint candy,
he’d molest the young children abusively.

(I wrote that when I was 15 or 16…god, that’s 25 years ago! Oy!)

By: The Dodd

The Dodd — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 11:02:33 +0000

Still time for another? Good…

Love being indistinguishable
From a severe OCD fable,
A good healthy nap,
And maybe Prozac,
Will keep those emotions more stable.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 09:49:58 +0000

Miguel had a tin whistle problem
Thought they’d solved it quite well at Hobgoblin
Then he packed it with care
but checked in unaware
that the Heathrow cops’ eyes were agogin’.

By: tobin

tobin — Thu, 14 Feb 2002 01:47:38 +0000

Ik kende een meisje uit Bree
had de ideale Valentijn’s gift mee
Wat een drug, wel caramba
je hormonen deden de samba
En die kus ondergingen we met twee

By: roe

roe — Wed, 13 Feb 2002 13:08:42 +0000

Oh, hell, one more:
There once was an old paleontologist
Who wailed to his younger psychologist,
“Every time I do wank
All my sperm, it smells dank!”
He was promptly sent to a urologist!

By: roe

roe — Wed, 13 Feb 2002 13:01:41 +0000

There once was a young man named Vern
When he peed, it started to burn
“Holy shit,” screamed Vern’s girl,
“I caught VD from Earl!”
“Get all partners tested,” Vern learned!

There once was a young man named Earl
He’s the one who was schtupping Vern’s girl!
After poor Vern did heal
He made that Earl squeal —
Beat the shit out of him ’till he hurled!

There once was a young girl named Bella
First Earl and now Vern was her fella
To break the routine,
Vern, her, and friend Jean,
Had a threesome, way down in her cellar!

It’s time for me to hit the hay
I’m about done with Valentine’s Day
Vern, Bella and Jean
Kept themselves fine and clean
And I think they’re happy to this day!

By: claudia

claudia — Wed, 13 Feb 2002 10:11:31 +0000

Here is a poem
Just to show’em
That love’s for the birds
Men, a bunch of turds
It’s not worth gettin’ to know’em

By: John

John — Wed, 13 Feb 2002 03:46:43 +0000

Of Valentine’s Day, rants Michele,
a corporate-induced brand of hell.
A card and a flower
get only her glower
though an act of real love rings her bell.

By: James

James — Wed, 13 Feb 2002 02:45:05 +0000

I once loved a girl with no head,
and asked her to meet me in bed.
She wouldn’t put out.
I started to shout.
And then I noticed she’s dead.

I offered my heart to Celeste,
who rejected my offer to nest.
She aske me why
I started to cry.
I said, “I can’t get it back in my chest”.

By: Miriam

Miriam — Wed, 13 Feb 2002 02:32:22 +0000

I once knew a guy in Milwaukee,
Who wanted some bedroom chop-socky.
He bought me some sushi,
Belched his best John Belushi,
Then passed out face down in his saki.

By: John

John — Wed, 13 Feb 2002 01:50:30 +0000

While favoring a lass with my tongue
Back before I was no longer young
I so flittered and fluttered
that she came and then uttered
“I don’t care that you’re not at all hung!”